While growing up, my method of facing life was to internalize my experiences,
more like stuffing everything inside. Eventually, I became a mess of self-hate and doubt. I was the Queen of a one woman; walking, talking pity party whose theme song was ‘no-body knows the troubles I have seen.’ I cried rivers as I reveled in my sorrow is so much greater than yours. Deep down, many of us do not believe we are worthy of love.
I spent years trying to un-learn so many false beliefs about myself. If I could have realized then, how fanning the flames of my pity party prevented me from seeing things with a different perspective and the longer I stayed in the suffering; the more I was solidifying it as a desired state in my subconscious mind.
Everybody has a story to tell which is real to them as yours is to you. My sorrow does not make me special although oftentimes, it is the very reason we sink into self-pity; the need to feel special.
I came to understand at a very deep level; I am not my thoughts or my feelings. I learned to separate my sense of self from the feelings and thoughts fueling the destructive mind-sets. Using the practice of ‘witnessing’ (form of meditation to watch our thoughts). I eventually became non-attached to these habitual mental and emotional states. Only then was I able to distance myself from their vice-like grip.
Suppressing what we are feeling in each moment does not work. We cannot walk around thinking, if I do not address this internal discord, it will go away. We may be able to distract ourselves for a little while, but the buildup of unaddressed issues leads to repressed toxic energy which inevitably find its way into our consciousness as intense ‘bad feelings” and oftentimes, extremely destructive behavior. Pity or feeling like a victim in life is a truly damaging state in which to linger. Because of our life’s experiences and our psychological interpretations of them, we create this sense of doom and gloom which can become highly addictive and like any addiction, the more we wallow, the stronger it becomes and the greater our desire for it grows.
“All self-pity is rooted in people taking themselves too seriously.” ~ Tom Robbins
If you feel bad, then there is no suppressing that. That is what it is, however, engage in activities such as; yoga, meditation, tai-chi or other practices where the effort is to bring attention to your breathing or other points of focus. The witnessing I mentioned earlier, is the act of merely observing your thoughts; without judgment, criticism or assessment and every time your attention gets caught up in the thoughts themselves, gently bring attention back to the ac of witnessing. Stay with the practice, over time things will change.
Another useful tool, while experiencing self-pity; repeat to yourself or post notes where you see them often; "I am ready to let this go. I am ready to see things differently. I am ready to move on."
Be aware of the thoughts you hold that bring you down – (Self-awareness is key)
Affirm your new truths
Wrap yourself in compassion, forgiveness, and self-love
Rejoice when the pity-party ends.
Always with love,